


The Longest Week

by EffervescentAardvark



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-17
Updated: 2012-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-29 17:37:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/322417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffervescentAardvark/pseuds/EffervescentAardvark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Missing Scenes : Spoilers for Season 4, episodes 12 and 13*</p><p>Now <em>this</em>, Gwaine thought as he looked around the cell he was now sharing with Gaius and Elyan, was exactly the reason why he’d spent his life living from tavern to tavern and drink to drink. No responsibilities, no one relying on him except for himself and nothing tying him down. The exact opposite, in fact, to the situation he found himself in right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Longest Week

Now _this_ , Gwaine thought as he looked around the cell he was now sharing with Gaius and Elyan, was exactly the reason why he’d spent his life living from tavern to tavern and drink to drink. No responsibilities, no one relying on him except for himself and nothing tying him down. The exact opposite, in fact, to the situation he found himself in right now.

He let his head drop into his hands for a moment and closed his eyes against the sudden weight of responsibility that had fallen on him from a great height. Today had started off badly and just gone straight to hell from there…

Giving himself a mental shake, he ran a hand through his hair and sat back up, his usual confident (some might say cocky, but he much preferred confident) smile fixed back in place as he looked over at Gaius and Elyan. Gwaine was more than a bit disconcerted to find that Gaius had finished checking on the injured Elyan and was now returning his gaze with a look of expectation on his face – like he was waiting for Gwaine to announce his big plan. Surely Gaius knew he wasn’t a plan kind of guy? If Gaius was relying on him to have some genius way out of this mess all figured out then they were all in deep trouble – even deeper than Gwaine had already figured they were in.

Gaius raised an eyebrow and pointed it in his direction as the silence stretched on a bit too long and Gwaine realised he’d crossed that fine, but perceptible line between confident smile and grinning like a loon – a long way from the calm and in control look he’d been aiming for. Clearing his throat he switched his gaze to the too still figure of Elyan lying on the bed. “How’s he doing?”

“Not good.” This time it was Gaius’ turn to sigh. “The Nathair serpent’s venom is potent.”

“Will he make it?”

Gaius shrugged helplessly. “He’s strong. Many men would have died by now. If I had my bag, I might be able to help.”

“If I had my sword, I might be able to help too.” Gwaine pointed out, the realisation that he wasn’t the only one feeling helpless not making him feel any better. “You’re doing your best, more than I could do.”

They sat in silence for a while before Gaius looked back at Gwaine, studying him thoughtfully. “Why did you stay behind?”

“What?” Deep in his own thoughts Gwaine was taken aback by the unexpected question.

“You could have fought your way out with Arthur and Percival. You’d have had a better chance with them.”

“I’m a Knight of Camelot now. It’s my job to protect the king. Arthur had a better chance to get away with someone covering his retreat.”

Gaius raised _both_ eyebrows at Gwaine’s explanation and the knight folded under the knowing stare.

“…and Merlin had a better chance if I gave them a head start” he admitted with a rueful smile. Gaius nodded, the second reason apparently not a surprise and Gwaine realised the healer knew him better than he thought, as he continued, “With his strength Percival was the logical choice to help Arthur and I’m a good fighter. I figured there was a chance I could slip away in the confusion and I’ve faced worse odds in my time. Not often, but still…” Gwaine shrugged.

“And then you get saddled with me.” Gaius said. “Not much chance of sneaking away then.”

“Maybe not, but then Elyan would be on his own with just me, and to be honest, when it comes to healing people I’m about as much use as a tankard made of butter. I’m all about breaking people, not fixing them.”

“That’s probably the more useful skill right now.” Gaius pointed out.

“Not when you’re locked in a cell.” Gwaine said, frustration showing in his voice. Taking a calming breath he switched his attention back to Elyan. “Why do you think they tortured him?”

“Morgana must have thought he knew something, something she wanted to know. When did you see him last?”

Gwaine frowned, thinking back. “I’m not sure, maybe during the fighting, but I didn’t really have time to keep track. I think he was on guard duty with Leon.”

“She must think he knows something. Maybe he met up with Arthur on the way out or some of the other knights got out.”

“Or maybe Morgana’s just crazy and we’re next…”

“A cheerful thought, Sir Gwaine.” Gaius raised an eyebrow again.

“Well either that or she’s forgotten about us and we’re going to be left to starve.”

“According to Merlin you’re supposed to be the optimistic one” Gaius pointed out.

Gwaine smiled slightly in acknowledgement. “If it makes you feel any better, I reckon Arthur and Merlin must have got away.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, it’s obvious. If she’d caught Arthur she’d be parading him, dead or alive, around Camelot and be gloating in front of us. And Merlin’s with Arthur, so I know he’s safe too. Now,” Gwaine added, “I just need to figure out how to get you and Elyan out of here in one piece so that Gwen and Merlin don’t kill me next time we see them!”

Gaius shook his head. “Elyan’s not going anywhere and I’d only slow you down. If you see a chance, you should go for it.”

“Sure. Then explain to Gwen how I left her unconscious brother behind and explain to Merlin how I abandoned you to your fate. Believe me, being stuck in this cell is the least dangerous of those two options.”

Gwaine thought for a while, his brow furrowed. What they needed was a plan, he was new at the planning thing. Generally he dealt with whatever life threw at him as it happened and used as little forward planning as possible, but this time he definitely needed a plan. He figured that what he needed to get him started was an idea of what items they had available to them that might be useful in an escape. “Gaius, what do you have on you? Anything useful in your pockets? Or Elyan’s? Maybe they didn’t search him.” Gwaine started to pat himself down and Gaius started to rummage through his and Elyan’s pockets.

After a few minutes he looked down morosely at the small pile in front of them. A few crumpled herb leaves – unfortunately not poisonous or sedative – and the key to his potions cabinet were Gaius’ contribution. Elyan’s pockets had revealed a handkerchief and a small piece of candle and Gwaine had added a button, an interesting shaped pebble and a piece of string to the collection. Unfortunately he’d lost the fish hook from the end of the string just the other day when he’d been food fishing in the kitchens. When the guards had searched him they’d found his knife, his other knife and his emergency ale fund, so he couldn’t even try to bribe a guard into letting them go. Unfortunately it looked as though they’d been just as thorough with Gaius and Elyan.

“I don’t think any of that is going to help us,” said Gaius.

Gwaine just managed to stop the sarcastic reply before it came out as Gaius won the ‘obvious statement of the day’ award and stood up instead. Frustrated, he paced around the cell, pausing to check the bars on the window again, rattle the door and kick at the flagstones, looking for a weakness. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this since he’d been thrown in the cell with Gaius, in fact it was more like the tenth or eleventh time but, just like all his previous checks for a way out, he found nothing. You had to hand it to Arthur, the man had himself a nice secure dungeon.

Gaius watched him for a while before saying in a calm voice, “Why don’t you sit down and try to get some rest? You might need your strength later and maybe you’ll think of something after you’ve got some sleep.”

Gwaine kicked the wall a few more times on general principle before sighing as he admitted the sense of Gaius’ words. Settling down against the cell wall he looked over at the older man. “I’ll sleep for an hour or two and then it’s your turn. You need your rest too.”

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

Gwaine wasn’t sure what woke him, but he blinked awake to find Gaius with his back to him, leaning over where Elyan lay on the bed, and muttering to himself in a language Gwaine couldn’t follow. Not wanting to disturb the healer in his work, Gwaine sat in silence waiting for Gaius to finish before quietly clearing his throat.

Gaius gave a guilty start, turning round to see Gwaine looking at him enquiringly.

“How’s he doing?” the knight asked.

“Better I think. He’s sleeping now.” If he didn’t know better, Gwaine would have pegged the expression running across Gaius’ face as shifty, which was curious and possibly worth noting for later reference.

“That’s good news.” Gwaine smiled genuinely, deciding that whatever Gaius had been up to was none of his business and if it helped Elyan then it was fine by him, still…Gwaine’s smile faded as he looked more closely at Gaius. The older man suddenly seemed much more drawn than he had before, almost _faded_ somehow. “Why don’t you get some sleep yourself? You look tired.”

“Elyan…” Gaius started to protest.

“I’ll wake you if there’s any change.”

“Alright, “ Gaius nodded wearily. “Just for a little while.”

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

Gwaine had lost track of the time when he noticed that Elyan was blinking and looking around him from the bed.

“Hey there,” Gwaine smiled down at him, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the still sleeping Gaius.

“Where...?” Elyan frowned, confused, as he tried to get his bearings.

“You don’t recognise your King’s prison cells?” Gwaine grinned, “I guess you haven’t spent as much time in them as I have!”

“What happened?”

“You probably know more than I do.” Gwaine sat back, leaning against the bed. “Arthur and Merlin were going to fight their way out. Percival was with them. Gaius and I stayed to cover their retreat.” He sighed “We don’t even know if they made it, but we hope they did.”

“They got out.” Elyan whispered back. “Leon and I were in the woods. We’d split up and were directing people to safety when I ran into the three of them. Arthur was injured.”

“Yeah, I know that. His ribs.” Gwaine nodded, “Was Merlin okay?”

“He was fine. I didn’t see any injuries other than Arthur’s. Morgana came then. She used magic and knocked us all down, but we got clear and I stayed behind to try and hold them off.”

“That’s great news.” Gwaine patted Elyan enthusiastically on the shoulder, feeling a hundred years younger all of a sudden. Merlin was okay…alright, his King and Merlin were okay and Elyan was awake. Life was almost rosy, for about three seconds anyway, at which point Elyan paled so suddenly that Gwaine panicked thinking he’d patted Elyan too hard or the knight was having some kind of relapse. He was about to wake Gaius when Elyan murmured in a broken voice.

“I betrayed them.”

“What?” Gwaine winced as his voice rose a few notches in surprise. Checking Gaius was still asleep, he tried again, quieter this time. “What?”

“Morgana brought me back to Camelot and there was this snake. It hurt so much.”

“Nathair serpent, at least that’s what Gaius called it.” Gwaine nodded, laying his hand soothingly on Elyan’s shoulder.

“I told her where Arthur was going. I betrayed them.” Elyan tried to roll away from Gwaine, too ashamed to meet his gaze, but Gwaine tightened his grip, not letting him move. Elyan closed his eyes instead, but he couldn’t block his ears as Gwaine replied.

“Elyan, they tortured you. No one will think you betrayed them.”

“I should never have become a knight.” Elyan shook his head.

Gwaine just about managed to hold back on the inappropriate snort as the irony of that hit him. He’d spent the last day and a half thinking exactly the same of himself, if for very different reasons. “And why not exactly?” He asked.

“I’m not worthy enough, not brave enough. I should have been able to hang on. A true knight wouldn’t have betrayed them.”

“Elyan, you idiot” Gwaine chided him gently. “Gaius said you were ‘tortured to the limit of human endurance’. Do you think any of us would have held out any longer than you did? You think any of us are more _worthy_ knights than you? Well, I can’t speak for the others, but I can tell you I wasn’t so worthy before I became a knight. I’ve done plenty of things in my past that I’m not proud of.”

Elyan scoffed slightly in obvious disbelief, making Gwaine huff in exasperation. He wasn’t exactly keen to go into details of his past, especially not with Gaius potentially listening in (Gwaine wasn’t convinced that the man was _that_ heavy a sleeper) as he didn’t want to lose the older man’s respect and more importantly he didn’t want the sordid details of his past getting back to Merlin, but apparently Elyan needed to hear this. “I’ve lived by my sword for a long time, and I’ve done a lot of things that I’m ashamed of. I’ve made money off desperate villagers, charging to protect them from bandits or monsters, whether they turned out to be real or imaginary and I’ve killed plenty of people, just to save my own skin. Last year, before we became knights, Arthur and Merlin found me being held captive by a slaver and he’d made me his champion. I fought for his entertainment and killed other men, men in the exact same position I was in. They weren’t evil, they were just prisoners like I was. Was that the action of a Knight of Camelot?”

“You did what you had to.” Elyan protested.

“Exactly,” Gwaine nodded, “and so did you. You’re no less worthy than me, than Leon, than Percival. We all do the best we can. I bet we’ve all done some things in the past that we wish we could change. So, how about you stop worrying about what happened in the past and help me find a way out of this place?”

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

In retrospect, Gwaine was impressed with how many plans he actually came up with. On the other hand, he hadn’t exactly had much else to fill his time with recently. He was desperate to try something, _anything_ , as sitting around doing nothing was wearing heavily on him. All of his plans, however, revolved around getting one of the guards to come too close to the cell door. He’d tried shouting at them, then he tried insulting them - and he was very good at that. Gaius had joined in, pretending to be sick, although Gwaine was getting worried that very little pretending was required. Finally, he and Elyan had tried staging a full blown fight, but none of it worked. No one came. Apparently the only way to escape from these dungeons was to have a friend on the outside who came to the rescue with the key. Unfortunately Merlin was otherwise occupied this time.

The deep knowing fear that they were going to be left here, locked up until they slowly starved, and the frustration of not knowing what had happened to Merlin and the others, was starting to slowly get the better of Gwaine. He’d never been any good at feeling helpless. A tired looking Elyan and an alarmingly weak Gaius looked on as he angrily prowled the cell yet again.

Finally though, the tedium was broken by the sound of footsteps approaching and Morgana appeared, to gloat over them. At first Gwaine was gripped by fear in case she’d come to tell them that Arthur was dead, but no, she’d just come to lord it over them and Gwaine was happy to take that over the boredom of being trapped any day. In fact, another plan came to him, as he realised that perhaps he could use this situation to get out of the cell. Knowing it was a weak gambit, he baited the trap by asking, pleading for food, hoping Morgana wouldn’t be able to resist the chance to watch him beg. Ignoring Elyan’s concerned look he responded to her taunting, and strode up to the cell door with a cocky grin on his face. He knew what he was doing, at least he hoped he did. And yes! Wanting her men to witness her power over one of the knights, she ordered him released from the cell. Now he just needed to survive whatever she threw at him and try and turn the situation to his advantage. He might be able to grab a weapon or keys and smuggle them back to the cell, or find out some information that might help them. Whatever happened, at least he was doing _something_ …

When he realised what Morgana had in mind he wasn’t worried at first. He wasn’t exactly new to this type of scenario and he was confident in his skill with a blade. He’d always figured out he’d go out fighting – be it a sword fight, a bar brawl or an enraged husband and he’d never had a problem with that. Living the way he did, he’d had no grand expectations of living to a ripe old age surrounded by doting grand children. He’d never been scared of the odds or worried whether he’d make it through a fight or not because no one depended on him, no one waited for him to come home at night. But this time it was different. If he didn’t make it through this then Elyan and Gaius were on their own in the middle of what was now decidedly enemy territory. Gwaine had never been so scared in his life and he’d never fought so hard. This time he had something to lose.

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

“Damnit!” Gwaine slammed his hand into the wall, giving vent to his frustration as soon as the guards had moved back down the corridor. “I’m sorry guys, I tried.” He’d been so close, managing to steal and hide a knife from the man he’d killed. No-one had noticed, but the guards had searched him before throwing him back in the cell and they’d found the knife tucked down one of his boots.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Elyan asked watching from the bed as Gaius struggled to his feet so he could check out the collection of scrapes and bruises Gwaine had acquired during the time he’d been away.

“I’m okay.” He tried to brush the healer away.

“Let me be the judge of that, thank you” Gaius replied archly.

“Morgana seems to have developed quite a low boredom threshold.” Gwaine explained to Elyan with a nonchalant flip of his hand. “She had me fight some of her men to keep her amused.” He put his ‘confident’ smile back on, trying to let the others know he really was alright “But you know I’m more than a match for any of them.”

Elyan snorted and rolled his eyes and Gaius settled for shaking his head, before sitting back down. “Well, it doesn’t look like you’ve suffered any serious damage, but you’re going to be sore and stiff in the morning. That was a stupid risk you took.”

Gwaine shrugged, carefully. “I thought I might be able to find out something, or get my hands on something useful. I thought wrong. Still…” He reached into his shirt, suddenly remembering. “She did give me this.” He pulled out the mouldy loaf of bread from where he’d stashed it for safe keeping and threw it over to Elyan. The other knight looked at it with a distinct lack of enthusiasm and to be honest, Gwaine couldn’t blame him.

“Next time I’ll see if I can get us an ale each to help wash it down.” He grinned.

“Hopefully there won’t be a next time.” Gaius said. “I’m sure she won’t want you killing any more of her men.

Gwaine wished he could be so sure. Morgana had seemed to enjoy the show rather more than he liked and he had an uneasy feeling he’d started something he was going to regret. “So, are you going to hog our feast for yourself?” He asked Elyan, changing the subject.

Elyan shook his head and tore the loaf into three pieces and passed them round. It might not be appetising, but it looked like it was all they were going to be getting for a while.

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

He hated it when he was right, and as it turned out, he also hated it when Gaius was right too. As the healer had predicted, he was stiff and sore the next morning and sleeping on the cold floor hadn’t helped any. And as he’d predicted, he’d been dragged off by Morgana’s guards for another fight a few hours later.

Over the next couple of days it developed into a kind of routine. The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach refused to go away as he mentally cursed his stupid plan – obviously this was why he’d never come up with plans before – his were all bloody awful!

Gaius seemed to have given up on them, leaving Elyan to help Gwaine clean out the new cuts and slices he came back with after each fight. Gwaine had to admit that he was surprised. Gaius had always seemed such a tough old bird, but his strength seemed to have suddenly given out as well as his will. His and Elyan’s attempts to raise Gaius’ spirits and get him to eat were being met with less and less success. Elyan tried to get him talking, asking what Gaius had seen happen during the attack and Gwaine joined in. It was better than sitting in silence. After a few hours of discussing who might have got away and what they’d been doing they strayed onto other topics, just to keep talking. Pretty soon Gwaine knew more about being a blacksmith than he’d ever wanted to know and Elyan had a new repartee of drinking songs, but Gaius just lay there. Gwaine was watching Merlin’s mentor and friend fade away before his eyes and there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it.  
All he could do was keep fighting, bringing back the pitiful amounts of bread and water that Morgana saw fit to reward him with. The woman was seriously beginning to creep him out. Her lust for blood growing with each fight – to the point that she’d ordered his shirt removed so she could watch him bleed.

Gwaine was painfully aware that his odds were getting longer with each fight. He could feel himself growing steadily weaker from the lack of real food and slower from the cumulative effect of the injuries he was picking up. Still, fighting was what he did best, and silently, grimly, Gwaine kept on fighting and kept on winning. Luckily Morgana didn’t seem to have realised that although he was one of the best swordsmen in the five kingdoms, he was absolutely the best brawler there was, so when she gave him a wooden sword it was no handicap to him – he was used to improvising with whatever came to hand and the wooden sword would do just fine. In fact he’d been sorely tempted to use it to kill her when she’d first handed it to him. She’d been right there, her guards too far away to help and although the thing wasn’t sharp, it would have done the job. The impulse had been strong, but he’d have been the next to die – he knew that without any doubt. He’d still weighed it up. It might have still been worth it, to end her, but he couldn’t bring himself to abandon Elyan and Gaius that way. The moment had passed and he mentally cursed himself for the lost opportunity. Then it was time to fight again and, ignoring the leering Morgana, Gwaine turned his mind to the task at hand, determined to survive. He grinned ferally as he counted the number of opponents this time. The more the merrier as far as he was concerned. In this confined space they’d just get in each other’s way and he was sure he’d be able to grab a weapon off one of them, and then the fight would really start.

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

He survived for another day, being tossed back in the cell once again, with another mouldy piece of bread. It seemed his efforts were pointless as Elyan couldn’t get Gaius to eat anything this time and Gwaine knew with certainty that he wasn’t going to survive another session like the last one. He was too weak and too injured. Trying to reassure Elyan as the man looked worriedly at him, Gwaine found that his confident smile seemed to have broken along with various other parts of him and all he managed was a somewhat unreassuring grimace. He’d definitely broken a rib or two this time and his knee wasn’t working as it was supposed to, but mostly he was just so damned tired. He’d bought them time and he’d bought them food, but hadn’t managed to buy them enough of either. Utterly spent he closed his eyes and drifted into a restless sleep as Elyan continued to plead with Gaius.

He startled awake some time later, to find Elyan leaning over him, trying to put his shirt back on without waking him. Gwaine blinked dazedly back.

“You were shivering.” Elyan explained, “And the guards threw your shirt back in a little while ago with some water.” He smiled slightly. “You must have impressed Morgana…and you may note, for later, how I’m _not_ asking how you came to lose it in the first place.”

Gwaine grinned crookedly, opening the split in his lip again.

“Hell, just you look at you” Elyan muttered as Gwaine painfully finished shrugging himself back into his shirt. “You’re a mess.”

“Well, you should see the other guys.”

“That goes without saying.” Elyan smiled back, offering the small water skin to Gwaine. “Drink some of this. Gaius and I have both had our share.”

“Thanks.” Gwaine grimaced as his reached for the skin.

“Ribs?” Elyan winced in sympathy.

“Just a bit sore.” Gwaine lied easily.

“Any other injuries I should know about?” Elyan asked, not fooled in the slightest by Gwaine’s act. “I know I’m not Gaius but…”

“You’re doing fine.” Gwaine reassured him, shaking his head as Elyan offered him the last piece of bread. “I’ll save it for later, unless you can get Gaius to eat it first.” Exhausted his eyes slid shut without his permission.

“Get some rest. I’ve got your back.” Elyan told him before heading back towards the bed and sitting down where he could keep an eye on Gwaine and Gaius at the same time.

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

He didn’t know how long he’d slept for this time when he woke to the sound of footsteps heading their way. Looking up he found Elyan staring at him from across the cell. He could see from the other knight’s expression that they were both thinking the same thing – Gwaine wouldn’t be coming back from this trip to the throne room. As the sounds grew nearer though, Gwaine realised that there were too many footsteps to be just the guards and there was shouting, screaming and the sound of metal on metal. He managed to drag himself to his knees and looked out between the bars, trying to work out how he and Elyan could protect Gaius, before he finally twigged that the sound of fighting was a good thing. It meant help was on the way. Having come to the same conclusion, Elyan stood up, crowding behind him as Percival and Leon appeared with the keys. Yep, Gwaine thought, having a friend on the outside with keys was definitely the way to get out of this place.

After being stuck in the damned cell for a week, Gwaine was determined to leave it on his own two feet. A quick smile and sarcastic comment worked wonders on Percival who, reassured that Gwaine was okay, headed straight to Elyan and Gaius, giving Gwaine an extra precious second to have a stern word with his knees. Unfortunately, said knees weren’t listening and buckled as soon as he stood up, landing him rather unceremoniously in Leon’s arms.

“I’m okay, I can stand” he mumbled.

“Sure you can.” Leon ignored Gwaine’s renewed attempts to stand, and looped Gwaine’s arm over his shoulder, taking his weight. “Let’s get you to the infirmary.”

“No.” Gwaine shook his head stubbornly. “Arthur.” Where the King was, Merlin would be too.

“Arthur’s fine.” Leon tried again, “And you’re not.”

“I’ll be okay.” Gwaine insisted. Rolling his eyes, Leon helped him hobble towards the throne room, keeping an eye out for any stragglers from Morgana and Helios’ army. It looked like the battle was well and truly won, however, and the only remaining enemy soldiers were all dead. Gwaine started to relax slightly, relieved to see how few red cloaks there were among the dead, but one nagging doubt kept him moving stubbornly forwards. Not wanting too many to see Leon lugging him around like a sack of potatoes he focused his attention on putting one foot in front of the other, taking as much of his own weight as his rebellious knees would allow.

Finally, after several minutes of listening to Leon who was switching between murmuring words of support and complaining how much he weighted, they made it to the throne room where Arthur stood at the centre, a hub of activity directing those around him with barked orders and arm waving.

Seeing Leon and Gwaine approach Arthur paused, a genuine smile crossing his face, which quickly morphed into a frown of concern. “Gwaine! Are you okay? Is Gaius with you? Have you seen Elyan?”

Gwaine let the barrage of questions float gently past him as he looked around the room, that nagging feeling still there. Where Arthur was, Merlin would be too…the breath caught in his throat for a second of panic, before a familiar gawky figure with overly large ears stepped into view from somewhere behind Arthur and waved cheerily. Gwaine smiled back in relief, his first genuine smile for what seemed like a lifetime and then his eyes rolled back in his head and he went limp in Leon’s grip.

oOoOoOoOoOo

 

The next few days passed by in something of a blur. Later, when things were clearer and he could stay awake longer, his friends came by and said things about exhaustion, fever and infection and Elyan appeared at one point all guilt ridden and apologising for not taking better care of his injuries. Gwaine would have thrown his pillow at him if his ribs didn’t ache so damned much, but pointed out (at some length and a lot of volume) that Elyan was being an idiot.

While he’d been ill, he’d been vaguely aware of Merlin changing his bandages and flitting to and fro. With all of the injured to care for and Gaius out of commission, his friend hardly seemed to have time to pause for breath, so when Gwaine awoke from another doze to find Merlin asleep in a chair opposite him it was the first time he’d had a really good look at his friend since the attack.

A loud crash as someone nearby dropped something breakable startled Merlin awake and he looked around trying to locate the source of the noise, before realising that Gwaine was watching him. A large smile crossed Merlin’s face. “Hey, you’re awake!”

“And so are you.” Gwaine teased back.

“I just sat down for a few minutes…”

“You look like you need more than a few minutes.” Gwaine frowned, as he noticed the grey exhausted look on Merlin’s face. “In fact, you look like you need this bed more than I do.”

Merlin snorted. “You obviously haven’t looked in a mirror recently, you look terrible!”

“Well, that’s charming.” Gwaine protested. “I thought you were supposed to be my friend.”

“I am.” Merlin agreed. “That’s why I brought you food. You hungry?”

Gwaine didn’t have to open his mouth to answer that question as his stomach grumbled loudly in response and his eyes lit up as Merlin produced a covered platter and placed it on the end of his bed.

“Let’s get you sat up.” Merlin started to fluff up Gwaine’s pillows, using them to prop the knight up into a more upright position.

“I’m not the Princess, you know” Gwaine pointed out, wincing a bit as he tried to get comfortable again. “You’re not my servant. You don’t have to wait on me hand and foot.”

“No, but I _am_ your friend.” Merlin smiled, placing the platter on Gwaine’s lap and removing the lid with a flourish.

Gwaine’s face fell, “Are you sure about that?” He looked at the selection of cheese and fruit with disappointment. “You heard the part where Morgana starved us, right? I was thinking a nice steak might be more appropriate. Or maybe a chicken?” He looked back up at Merlin plaintively.

“Nothing heavy.” Merlin shook his head, “Assistant Court Physician’s orders. Your stomach has to get used to food again, so little and often is the rule for the next few days.”

Gwaine sighed pitifully, prodding at the fruit before selecting a slice of apple. “You’re a cruel, cruel man, Merlin.”

Merlin smiled back, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes and Gwaine found himself frowning as he looked closer and realised there was more to Merlin’s haunted looks than simple exhaustion.

“Merlin?” Mindful of his ribs, he reached out to poke his friend solidly in the arm. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine. “ Merlin ducked his head. “It’s just been a long few days.”

“You’re a terrible liar, you know.” Gwaine said, poking Merlin again, trying to get him to meet his gaze. He stopped chewing as a sudden thought hit him. “Is it Gaius?”

“What? No!” Merlin looked surprised. “He’s fine. Up and about in fact. Well, for short spells anyway.”

“Hang on a minute! Gaius was at death’s door last time I saw him. How come he’s allowed up and I’m still stuck in bed? That’s not fair.” Gwaine waved around another slice of apple in angry protest before eating it hungrily.

“Gaius was exhausted, starving and dehydrated.” Merlin pointed out. “You were exhausted, starving, dehydrated, wounded and had until a day ago, a bad fever. Hence, Gaius is ‘up and about’ and you are in bed regaining your strength.”

“And you’re changing the subject.” Gwaine realised.

“No, you changed the subject. I just let you.”

“Well, okay.” Gwaine had to concede that point. “But you’re not changing it again. We’re friends, right?”

Merlin nodded, “Yes, we’ve already established that.”

“So, tell me. You’re sad, I can tell. We won, we’re all still alive, so why the sad?”

Merlin fidgeted and sighed, then fidgeted some more. “I killed someone.”

Gwaine just watched, saying nothing for once in his life as he let Merlin speak.

“I killed Agravaine. I, um, hit him with a rock.”

“And you didn’t like how that felt?”

“No.” Merlin almost whispered.

“Well hell, Merlin! It’s not supposed to feel good. If you start to feel good when you kill someone then you know something’s wrong with you. You did what you had to. I know you well enough to know you had no choice or you wouldn’t have done it and you most likely saved a lot of lives.”

“How do you do it?” Merlin asked after another long silence.

“Kill people?” Gwaine wanted to be sure he was answering the right question.

“Live with it.”

“Oh…” Gwaine smiled ruefully. “I go down to the nearest tavern and I have a drink. Then I have as many more drinks as it takes. I don’t recommend it on a regular basis, but if you want to come I’m planning on getting well and truly hammered as soon as I can get out of here. I’ve got plenty of blood to wash off my hands from last week and I could use the company.”

“Blood from killing Morgana’s men?”

“No, well, yes…but they’re not the only people I killed last week.” This time it was Gwaine’s turn to avoid Merlin’s eyes. “I killed a lot of our men too.”

“I don’t understand.” Merlin was confused.

Having now well and truly lost his appetite, Gwaine pushed the platter away and took a deep breath. “Arthur asked me to guard the armoury. It was a lost cause, but I had to try. I rallied the guards together and tried to fight off Helios’ men. It was stupid and dumb but they followed me anyway.” He picked at the loose thread on his shirt. “And they mostly died.”

“But you didn’t kill them.”

“I might as well have done. What was I doing ordering men into battle?”

“You were doing your job.” Merlin said. “And they followed you because you’re a Knight of Camelot.”

“Well, maybe I shouldn’t be. I’m not the kind of man people should be following.”

Merlin leaned forward, pinning Gwaine with a look. “You’re exactly the kind of man they should be following. You followed your King’s orders. You stayed behind to cover his escape. You risked your life to help Gaius and Elyan. You should hear people taking around the castle. You’re a hero.”

Gwaine snorted. “I’m an itinerant drunk.”

“No, you _were_ an itinerant drunk. Now you’re a Knight and a hero.” Merlin grinned suddenly, “Although your image is being slightly tarnished by Leon who’s been describing your ‘womanly swoon’ to anyone who’ll buy him a drink.”

“I did not swoon!”

“It looked pretty swoon-like from where I was standing.”

“I collapsed! I collapsed in a manly fashion, having finally succumbed to my wounds!”

“Well, have fun trying to explain that to Elyan and Percival.” Merlin stood up, stretching his back with an audible crack, “I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll be back later, okay?”

“Bring some chicken next time!”

“Maybe some broth.” Merlin laughed as Gwaine pulled a face. “I tell you what, we’ll compromise. I’ll make sure it’s chicken broth.”

“Broth isn’t food.”

“It’s the closest you’re got to get to food today.” Merlin told him with a grin.

“Okay, but get some rest.” Gwaine said. “The Assistant Court Physician isn’t going to be much help to anyone if he’s too tired to see straight.”

“Yes, mom.” Merlin grinned as he headed for the door.

Pouting, Gwaine flicked a piece of pear at Merlin’s retreating form before settling back into his nest of pillows and turning his mind to another important task – the small matter of getting his own back on Leon. The other knight had better watch out. Gwaine figured he’d put his newly acquired skill – the art of making plans – to good use. He drifted off to sleep, a small smile on his lips as he dreamed up his plans for revenge.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Ju and Cath for their help, suggestions and patience in betaing this for me. I can be a very needy writer!
> 
> Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me. No copyright infringement intended


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